Divorced parents and religion

[Spencer J Elliott]

I posted this in discussions, but removed it b/c I don't want this to divide anyone, or whatever else may happen when grown ups start talking about religion. So lets try to keep it light, ok?

When two parents are divorced and don't see eye to eye on anything, how do you handle who's belief system the child will follow?
In my situation, I was raised going to a church called Berachah (http://www.berachah.org/index.htm) , which is what I would call a militant Christian church, made up of mostly ex-military families. This place was run by an ex Colonel, now by his son. I never liked it at all as a kid, and most kids who grow up attending this place usually don't want to have anything to do with God when they grow up. It was more brainwashing than teaching. As it turns out, the ex and her family went too, as in they bought the tapes of the sermons and had them mailed to them in Austin. So anyone now who tells me they're a member of this church, I have a pre-conceived notion of their entire mentality, and I'm usually right.
So now the ex takes Maddy to a different more relaxed church, since she hated it as a kid too. For the past two years, but no so much any more, Maddy would asked me about Jesus and if I believed in him.
I don't subscribe to any ONE religion and my reason is simple. If Christianity is the one end all religion, meaning if you don't accept Jesus as whatever, then everyone else who's not a Christian goes to hell. Thats what the ex is to have Maddy believe. So she tells me, I'll be going to hell if I don't believe that and she doesn't want that. I asked her if her Poppy Bruce (who is like my Jewish Grandfather) is going to go to hell because Jews don't believe in Jesus (bear with me, you know what I mean). And what about all the other people all over the world who aren't Christians? Are they ALL going to hell?
My conclusion has been to tell her that she should believe in a higher power, but leave it open to accept everyone's beliefs.
What would Jesus do?

[Patti]

A little late to this, but my daughter's father is Jewish and never attends temple. I wanted her to have some sort of religious understanding, so I started visiting churches in the area and would not go to any of them because I believe that all people should be welcomed regardless of sexual preferrence.

So, what was I to do???? We found the Unitarian church and I'm completely comfortable with what my daughter is learning.

I hope you have found what works for you and your daughter. Happy Holidays! :)

[brandyleeeee]

That's a tough one...I'm an atheist (sort of similar reasons, probably...alothough I'm not totally sure I even have one reason). Its like a dirty word "atheist" to most people...being more of an agnostic like you seem to be doesn't at least give off the vibe that you're a hostile, immoral, crappy person. I just can't wrap my brain around religion, but people think that must mean I'm a devil-worshiping a-hole...
I don't have that situation with my daughter's dad...fortunately he has no intrest in taking her to church...
I DO have a lot of family that wants me to go include religion in my child's life, which is really difficult to deal with. One time I went to get her from a relative who was babysitting, and they were sitting around reading bible stories...it really made me mad. As her mom, I get to decide what to teach her, and people think when it comes to something as serious as saving someone's soul, they can just go over a parent's head because "I'm wrong." makes me mad...
I'd say wait a little while, until your daughter is a little older. Then tell her exactly what you think. And tell her its a hundred percent up to her what she thinks. Kids at that age (my ex's daughter is 9, so I went all through 3-9 with her around) respond a lot better to you thinking she is smart enough to think for herself, and will likely not be too serious about anything that teaches her that she is going to spend eternity in a terrible place just because she doesn't believe in something that peoople tell her she has to. Tell her to learn all about everything she wants to. Tell her to be analytical and critical of all religion (even lack there of) and not to just fall in line with what people tell her to think.

[Jennifer B]

Spencer,
This is a tough one. I was raised catholic. Church every Sunday, Catholic school, the whole deal. My senior year of High-school, I walked out of church in the middle of a sermon on why non believers go to hell. My grandfather was Jewish and my high-school boyfriend was Jewish. Be loving and kind and your daughter will question dogmatic beliefs and hypocrisy. I now have very liberal spiritual beliefs. When she brings up Jesus just refer to him as the great teacher and quote his love like "love your neighbor as your self." Or tell her that when people referred to him as the son of God, he would say that we are his brothers and sisters. There is a great book called, " Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism." By Sponge. It has some great insights. I felt so screwed up by religion , I ended up getting a Masters in Interfaith Theology! Now I Just believe in love. Show her love and by the time she is a teenager (when cognitive thinking kicks in) she will question anyone who condemns you. At least I hope this is true!

[Heather Mac]

Rose - Have you heard of that movie that's playing in Portland that is called "Jesus, Save me from you Followers?" Made by a Portland Documentary guy. He travels all around and meets Christians from all over the country. Supposed to be very well done.

[Heather Mac]

If you think your ex is taking her to a conservative group, you could attend a more liberal church to balance out the message. I sent my daughter to a Christian preschool, but it was one full of love and a positive message about Christ and God. I myself am not a Christian. We go to a Unitarian Church, which is very politically active and accepts other teachings as equal to the bible. I think no one religion has the only truth out there! Also I have an Indian guru who recently came to the area and I took my daughter to that retreat also. I want to expose her to many ideas so she can find a home for her heart in one belief or a mixture that works for her.