He has a girlfriend......

[Candace]

Ok I have had a crazy past week and I just have to get this out and try to understand why it is bothering me so much.

My son's father has a girlfriend... You would think I wouldn't care about this due to the fact that I have never been with my son's father in a romantic relationship. My issue has nothing to do with the actual relationship between them...

He has been dating her for a few weeks and he said that it is serious and that I should meet her ( we made a agreement that if we were going to have someone around Ethan on a regular basis that we would tell the other and allow them to meet the person) So I met her and she seems like a nice girl. She has 2 boys that are 2 and 5 and she is recently divorced.

Yes I think he is crazy and that it is not going to last but thats not my business...

So the problem....

He has now become genious and knows EVERYTHING about raising our son and is more then willing to tell me how I should be doing this and that... He is constantly telling me what to feed him and that I should really try this or that I should be more careful when taking him in the sun...

This is seriously bugging me so much that I went outside today and just screamed from the top of my lungs... (after he told me something else I should be doing!) I tried to tell him that I don't like for him to be talking to me this way and he told me that its not the way he is talking to me it is the way I am interpreting it. I am pretty much convinced that his new chick is the one with all the great advice and answers....

She came over to my house with him last night and I was in shock at how I responded to her.. I didn't even want her in my house and stopped both of them at the front door with Ethan. I don't understand why I am so frustrated and upset about this but I have to figure it out because it is seriously driving me crazy!!!

HELP!!

[Liam Mick]

You're in a really difficult situation and your ex is not being fair. he should know you are a good parent and it's insulting to now get his expert advice. And as far as bringing her to your home so son that is not cool. That's enough to drive anyone nuts! My biggest fear is my ex bringing another man into our daughters lives. Sounds like he is trying to impress his new girl and also trying to make you jealous.

[Angie]

Hi Candace!

I agree with Bill also, only do what you feel comfortable with, you feel that way for a reason. Having a civil relationship with your child's father/mother is very important but if you don't feel comfortable having her in your house that's ok. Maybe you could meet at a neutral spot next time. Also, if they have only been dating for a short time, my opinion is that he is trying to impress his girlfriend with his newfound wisdom. Just give it time, the person you know him as will resurface eventually. Just try to take the advice for what it is. He knows you are a good mom.

[Kristin]

I can say that, thank the heavens above, I may never need to worry about this. At least not until my daughter is old enough to talk & understand. BUT, I can imagine why you'd feel this way.
There's another woman "involed" in you baby's life & you have very limited controle in the situation... and it sounds like they are trying to limit you more. Personaly, I'd be very upset for the fact alone that wheather permanent or temp, it's a "family" kinda setting with them & it's a much different dynamic with you. Not any less or anything, but odviousley a dynamic you want to give your son, we all do as parents, want to give our child the picture perfect family & what not.
I'd feel out numbered and out done wheather it was warrented or not.
And my dear, the whole thing is your business. It effects your son & EVERYTHING that effects your son, effects you! Just keep in mind, the whole fact that it bothers you, in my opinion, is just another reasurance that YOU are a GREAT mama!

[Hanna]

I feel the same way sometimes about my ex's girlfriend, since he only started caring about his daughter once SHE came into the picture. Now he lets her daughters call our daughter "sister" and IT MAKES ME SO MAD! But all you can do is be the bigger person.

[Ms. Single Mama]

I feel you. So weird that when relationships end and there are kids involved you still have to maintain that friendship b/c they're the other parent. God, it's so hard.

So, first of all.

Forgive yourself for freaking out (anyone would). Your son is so young that I can see introducing him to the new girlfriend, but introducing you to her - that's the part that's super weird to me.

Sounds like he's definitely getting the ideas from girlfriend on your parenting. SOOO annoying. But with that kind of stuff, you just have to bite your lip. He's a man, they like the feeling of being helpful. Just listen and nod your head. That's what I do. Soon, it will wear off and he'll be back to his normal self.

Good luck.

[Tom Taylore]

Hang in there Candice, none of this is easy... and I have to agree with Bill that (in a way) it is your business. My ex was "dating" a guy for almost a year before I saw them together 'sitting' on the couch together... She only has my daughter a couple days a week and decided to keep that aspect of her life separate from my daughter, until I started hearing stories about "mommy's new friend"... In my case, it was another one of those "she split on us" deals... but at any rate, consider the glass "half-full" from the perspective that he's actually sharing with you that he's in a relationship and not pretending to hide it. As far as him giving advice, just thank him for his suggestion... that goes really far with us guys... ha ha! Hang in there!

[Chanel]

It bothers you because there is a small part of us that wishes for the dream. Yes he is a POS, but you still had a relationship with him and made a beautiful baby. Not only do you have to see him when you are swapping your lil one back and forth, but I am sure part of your son looks like him. Its tough, and I can't promise it will get easier, but what you have to remember is that your stunning, your an amazing woman and you can get through this hard part. I am guilty of it too, and I have to keep offering myself ways to get through it. I know my ex is seeing somebody and it kills me. But then I remember all the yucky things he put me through and I thank the lord I am moving on. Remember why you guys split, and put that at the forefront when you see him and her together. Stay strong girlfriend, you can do it! xoxoxo

[Bill Willems]

Candace, it is your business whether this relationship is going to last or not. He is the father of your child and needs to be responsible with that task. 2 weeks seems way too early to be bringing the children into the mix, but that's my own personal opinion only. You absolutely desere to be comfortable in your own home, and if you don't feel that with her there then it's OK to say that. The boyfriend/girlfriend thing is kind of the next step in the process of getting over someone. My daughter's mom is engaged now after 4 years apart. It's been interesting because even though I've felt I'm past it, it felt like a new dagger in the heart when I heard the news. But the great thing is that I've met him, he's a great single dad himself, and I'm totally comfortable hanging out with him.

[Heather Mac]

OK, so you blocked the door and didn't want her inside. Why? What might happen? Let your mind really go with it... She would see your stuff? She would know you more and therefore find more things to talk to Ethan's dad with about you? You would hear not just about the ways you need to change your parenting but also how you keep your house? ETC? Or is it something else? Really imagine it! So she comes in and THEN what happens?