How do I find sexual fulfillment and be a Sexy Single Momma?

[Candace]

Another lonely night in bed dreaming I was tangled up in his embrace, overtaken by the passion of his kiss... Oh sorry.... lol




I have to admit I am a relationship type person... I love being in a partnership and sharing my life with someone... I am passionate, sexual and incredibly affecionate (not clingy) I have been single for over 2 1/2 years now and have a 8 month old son... (You do the math) There was no relationship involved... Before that I was in a 6 year relationship with a long engagement... There were trust issues so I ended it. The problem is I am no good at dating... I don't really have a lot of experience and I am a hopeless romantic and fall fast... I have only had 1 one night stand forsay and my son was conceived... plus I am pretty emotional and I don't think I would be interested in sleeping with someone unless I had feelings involved. I am just trying to get back out there and test the water...... How do you other single parents find sexual fullfilment in your lives without sleeping around? Dating has been weird and uncomfortable as far as dating single dads, I have went on some fun dates with just single guys but I don't really lead that same lifeystyle anymore... so I kind of feel stuck! I know it takes time to get to know someone and I can't expect them to want to kiss my face off when they meet me... haha........ I don't know I just wonder if there are still guys out there that are willing to make the time to date and have fun... I am starting to feel old and I am only almost 27 from the last few dates I have been on....

So what are the tricks of the trade?

[sam black]

well, let me see. this is a very tricky subject.
let me keep reading.

[Mike]

Well I will say this much. I love sex just as much as the next guy or gal in this case, but what was said earlier about pour choices after sex is very true.... I was a single dad when I meet my curant ex... We ended up going out on a date had a little to much to drink and ended up sleeping together... Wow it was like I never had before I ended up marring Satins sister and didn't seem to care because the sex was asuame. With all that said. DO NOT have sex just to have sex, hell you can take care of that your self. I know that for me, intamacy is so much more than sex and feels so much better. You can find intamacy true intamacy with your best friend, a co worker, just about any one. If and when you find that and it builds stronger and stronger the BS of dateing is out of the way and nature takes it's course..... That to me is the meaning behined " don't look for love just let it happen" means... I wish you well and hope that one day we will all find love, other than our kids of course....ps sorry about all the miss spelled words it's only like 2:30am they need spell check on here or something....lol

[Richie Ferrer]

I am the same type of person I love with all my heart and I also enjoy the company of a women the companionship,converstaions,flirting etc.I feel that if you don't put everything into making sure that you do your best in every relationship with the understanding that it might work out or it might not.I have learned late in life to be patient and grow a relationship(you can't rush what takes time).You need to have a foundation with your potential partner that is based on mutual respect,communication,and the willingness to adjust to suite the lifestyle of your potential partner.As far as sex that should by all means come after the foundation is created and a sense of real partnership is developed.Sex will always be great when you and your partner are on the same page on all other levels first.Open communication and the ability to discuss any and all topics with your parnter is a must.Then when it is time for the bedroom you both can talk comfortable about what each of you want from each other and be able to give as much as receive.I am a hopeless romantic and I will never be discouraged by relationships that don't work out,yes it might sting for a bit but just know that life does go on and to loose the ability to love is the greates tragedy of all..be strong and love with all your heart and know that that special someone is out there...........

[Cliff]

Hmmm. Thank you Candace for your open heart and your willing to share with "our community" here. Thanks to all others that have shared their perspective. I am on this site to be able to meet and share with new people and be able to have the chance to share the struggles I have as well. Ask anyone here and I am sure they will tell you that they find your honest refreshing. I have been single dad for three years and have had plenty of time to think about my new life and what it all means. Perhaps for me I think to deeply, but maybe not. I too, like the rest of us here have had a hard time adjusting to single life, perhaps even harder is being a single parent and having the feeling of being stuck in limbo. Caught in a world between single and married friends and people. I do beleive it to be very healthy to talk and share of the struggles that we face. Keeping those feelings buried becomes a torment that makes life very strugglesome. For all us, we could probably all agree that we never choose this lifestyle for ourselves. What happens is that in trying to figure out how to be happy again we fall back in our minds to a time when we felt wanted our at least had the immpression that someone else cared about us. I believe the first health step is to come to a place where we can be at peace with being single, then being single with a child or children, then learning to let go of our preconceived notions of what life was supposed to be. When we can find ourselves and discover what makes us special and unique it helps us to be able to feel again and re learn how to live. To try to answer your question, I have to break it into two questions. How do I find sexual fullfillment? then How do I be a sexy single momma? The two questions are related and similiar but the answers are vastly different and must be understood seperatly. Sexual fullfillment only comes from being able to 100% open and real with another and have them do the same. This is the foundation of what love is, the giving of oneself. To get to the point where we feel comfortable enough to let someone fully into our heart takes time and the building of trust. Too often for woman they will share they bodies easier than they will share they heart. This is done with the hopes that if they offer this carrot they will be able to get the guy to really like them. Since you have made it clear that you fall easily shows that love for you comes naturally and that you trust easily. To change this part of you would be to change who you are, yet you know you can't do this in this way anymore because of the negative effect this has in your life, yet your still inclinded to do so. You must fisrt realize why you are willing to trust and be open so quickly for and know that some guys out there will prey on this vulnerability just to get their own tempory sexuall fullfillment. First lesson would be to learn how to be carefull while at the same time gaurding your heart against shutting down. Talking here can be a healhy outlet that can bring some sense off fullfillement but wont be sexual. To know how to share from your heart and find a friend that will be deep, real, open and honest is a good first step towards healing. When your heart is able to come to the point of being at rest with being single you then will be able to re-train your mind how to think. Ultimatly sexual fullfillment can only come from a deep and personal relationship, not a one night stand, or even sex to quick in a short relationship. Sex should never be used as medicine. to often we all go towards this thought as a way to take away the pain we feel of being alone. With that being said, first step, become healthy, dont have a bitter heart, and commit to not having sex as a way to be happy again. The fullfillment you seek will come after you are ready for it. The second part of your question was best answered by Jim. Grab a paint brush. Just be out their and be yourself. Learn to love others and share your life with them. When you are happy, confident and unafraid you will notice that more guys will take notice. Seeing them way you love, care and nuture your child can be very appealing and sexy to a man because he will see a womans heart in action. Since we all can agree that we all desire love and intimacy, I think you can agree that when we see love in action we will find that very appealing. When I see a woman who can care for her child and give of herself entirely for that child I notice that I am seeing a woman that is capable of much love. If you want to feel like a sexy momma, be a sexy momma. Let your motherhood shine and be proud of it. Let go of reasons why you got pregnant and dont worry about the feeling of being judged by others. Be confident and unfraid and run in the direction of your dreams. Follow your heart and pay attention to what it is really saying to you and all this other stuff will take care off itself. I wish you peace. Thanks for letting me share. I hope it helps:)

[Candace]

Hmmm I think I will get the book, thanks heather...

[Heather Mac]

I got "Sex Detox" (book from previous discussion) from the library and it's got a great focus for singles... How to LOWER your chemistry and sexual vibe with guys you date so you can tell if you actually like them or not before you sleep with them. The author's theory is that even though we may treat sex lightly, it does NOT treat us that way and we go there too quick and then can't differentiate good qualities from bad and then make poor choices in mates. Interesting theory. (of course this is my interpretation of the book, others may get something else from it....

[Mark]

This is a tough one. I know, a lot of people try and act like they are not bothered by the fact that they are alone in bed, but I know I do, and from the other post on here, there are quite a few of us who share your sentiment.

The advice I would give you...just be strong. I think that the healthiest relationships are those that are not built on the physical aspect of things. Sure, he could turn you on, but it is all about controlling yourself. I know I have to take certain precautions to make sure that the "need" is less on certain nights. If those "precautions" can help you, then I would say do them. I am sure you know what I am talking about. Make sure your sexual drive is at it's lowest when are with whomever....it really helps. lol

[Billy Ray]

Jim.... your point #5..... well..... that pretty much says it all!! There truly isn't anything more sexier than a confident, independent, and beautiful woman!! Especially if she know how to paint.... or sand a deck... because.... I need help with both this summer!! LOL!!

[Scott]

Very brave of you to be so open and honest. I myself am finding it difficult to date. In the two years I have been separated and divorced I have learned that I am no good to someone else until I am good to myself. I have had a few dates and 3 sexual encounters over that time and I found them to be nothing more than learning experiences. Some good, some bad. For the last year I have been focusing on doing the things that are going to make me happy and be better for my kids. I guess I have a lot of the same kinds of questions as you do. Perhaps not looking for "Love" is the best way to find it... or let it find you.

[Clare]

This is a great topic, I have been wondering the same thing but never had the guts to say it, lol! Kudos to you Candace! I have recently totally and completely ended the relationship for good with my son's father and it's much harder than I thought. I still have feelings for him, I see memories everywhere, and I have to see him on a regular basis. Sometimes memories can mislead though. My memories seem to only highlight the good times, which were really few and far between, and the sex. The sex, the sex...that was what was really amazing. The companionship I haven't had in a loooong time. I'm ready for that.

You're not alone Candace, we all crave that companionship and having that passion. Everyone says this, and so it's probably the truth, but do you think it will "happen when you least expect it?" Also, have you dated a single dad, or just single guys? We need to go out and just have fun!

Jim, you do have such a great perspective. Your words make a lot of sense, appreciating the times we do have. Maybe appreciating being single for now.

Lee, I can tell you are in the hopeless stage, but I really think you will find someone really special. You definitely did not sound gay. We women love when a man can share his feelings!

I think there's nothing sexier than a guy who is an amazing and loving daddy and can share his feelings, and also be a man.