Would a man be vague about something he has never been vague about before?

[Elizabeth]

My boyfriend always tells me what he is doing when he can't see me. However today he told me that he can't come over tonight because he has plans. I told him that I was disappointed but knew he was busy hoping that he might say what he was doing. All he said was that he was sorry that he couldn't see me and it sucks and that he would see me tomorrow. Why would he be vague about it when he has always just told me what hes doing voluntarily. I have never asked him, he just says I can't see you tonight or have to cancel plans because of work or a friend needing help or something along those lines. What do you think this means guys and what should I do? Not say anything or ask him what hes doing? I don't want to sound prying.

[Janer]

before freaking out totally, i would wait till some days have passed and you talk again and casually say "how'd it go monday?" and see if he volunteers any info. if he doesn't, then ask.

[Elizabeth]

We talk everyday. He usually tells me what hes doing but not this time. I'm not freaking out just wondering why this time he didn't tell me what he was doing and why he was breaking our plans when normally he does. Makes me wonder if he didn't say anything because he would have to lie to me.

[Janer]

well, it's possible...it's also possible that every other time he was lying too. People tend to come up with stories to keep you from thinking they are hiding something. the only thing i can suggest is to ask him. otherwise you will just stew in it wondering if he's hiding something.

[Elizabeth]

Well, he told me that he had a friend over. A female friend. Not sure why if they are just friends why he didn't tell me until after the fact. I guess we will never understand men.

[Todd]

Probably because he knew youd over react just like you are now. If he was up to something with her, he wouldnt have told you she came over at all. Id be careful, if I were him and saw this discussion, red flags would be flying everywhere. Jealousy and lack of trust is in the air!

[Elizabeth]

Oh yes, it's in the air. You would have to know the history to understand. Very hard to trust when it's been broken numerous times.

[WhisperingWinds]

good question. I have been know to be to trusting and try to rationalize things. even when my gut has been warning me. my brain tries to tell my gut to knock it off. before i split with my ex and in the beginning when i caught him he was acting the same way. later when he admitted the wrong doing i k new it. sad but vindicated. disappointed. if he keeps doing this why doyou keep allowing it ?

my extb thought I could take it as he put. i felt so degraded and felt like i was like a mistress. a good person here told me recently to seek counseling. i had been victims of abuse and he began the vetbal thing with me. you deserve better and i am sure you love him. i did my husbands but i reached a point of not being able to like myself anymore for what i had allowed them to do to me.

[Elizabeth]

That's good advice. I know a lot of my worries come from my ex who cheated many times with many different people and it caused me to think that if my boyfriend does anything even slightly like him I automatically assume he's cheating. I try to keep it to myself so that he doesn't think that I'm accusing him of anything. Counseling is a great idea and I have been thinking about it. I just don't have the money for it at this time.

[Travis]

I know this is late in the game, but...

"Well, he told me that he had a friend over. A female friend. Not sure why if they are just friends why he didn't tell me until after the fact. I guess we will never understand men."

This is a red flag. If communication has been a constant and he starts holding back... that is a warning sign.

The sad thing about witnessing cheating is that we learn what behaviors exist in it. We can't ignore that gut feeling, we just need to be able to communicate it clearly enough and in a way to get at the honest and open answer. If he was respectful enough, he would know that you need the extra comfort, and guarantee that a open communication existed.

He didn't tell you because he knew what he was doing was wrong... If he didn't think it was wrong, he would of come right out and told you.

[WhisperingWinds]

I shold share an email from the extb. he has constanlty accused me of doing what he has done. going back to an ex. if i was out of phone contact too long he flipped out. because he knew he was guilty of it. he used every excuse to contact exs.

we all have our ex and our past but being honest is good. a friend i know said he has male friends but she knows them through her biz she owns with her husband. she keeps them at arms length. i agree. if you are in a good solid relationship the other ex and friends should know when things are off limits. if not then that means the other person in the relationship pushing for the continue contact is either not happy or cheating.

one thing i learned to late in this relationship, is that often some men pick on those wome the feel vulernable. if was to date again i would not tell someone i had been abused. this guy and another told me that. that sends a red flag out. lesson learned.


eliz i am going to send yuo something.

[Elizabeth]

Hey Whispering Winds, I never got whatever you were going to send.

[Elizabeth]

Thank you Travis for your response. I have since found out that my gut instinct was right. I found pics and emails in regards to this stuff last Sunday. Then on Sat he told me he has an std and then I needed to go get tested. He claims that he thinks it came from his ex that he broke up with 2 years ago. I'm not buying it. At the same time I'm not ready to confront him on his lies. I should have always known to never doubt my gut.