For the 35-mid 40's guys; What is it you are really looking for in a woman?

[NursingTLC (Kelly)]

Obviously, you want there to be a physical attraction, but what is it you really look for in a woman? I'm interested in hearing how you determine if a woman is date worthy? I mean relationship date worthy, not just the "do-able" category of dating. Also, how do you feel about dating a woman that has children? AND.. Do you find it insulting if a woman does not want to introduce you to her children unless the relationship gets very serious?

Thanks :)

[Mr. Green]

I would say the biggest thing would be a girl who is BEING HERSELF!!!

I love kids....but I don't love every girl with kids.....

I like a girl who enjoys a good beer.....but I don't like every girl who likes beer.....

I think it is outstanding when a girl doesn't parade there kids in front of every guy.....but that doesn't make her date-able....

You follow??

There are thousands of types of guys, and you don't want to reel one in who doesn't want to be with the real you.....well unless all your looking for is sex....then pretend away!! LOL

If you are looking for a relationship....don't set rule of what nots and don't talks....be yourself....being fake or not telling someone that you have kids will just destroy what ever you build........

[Scott]

I like women who aren't Lesbians. That's a plus for me.

[NursingTLC (Kelly)]

ROFL at The Scott... Most guys like Lesbians I thought.

Mr. Green, I am always myself and believe that's the way it should be. Unfortunately, most the guys I attract are not those that I want to attract! I'm extremely friendly and love to do the innocent flirting. I think that may get me in trouble at times. But, I pick or joke with everyone. If I didn't then I wouldn't be myself.

I asked the question because I am really curious if you mature men are looking for one specific attribute. I look for honesty, integrity, personality, etc. When I was young I looked for Christian and Hot.. That was it. Now, I have changed my focus considerably. LOL

[Kristin]

the Scott- LOL I suppose that would help:)

[NursingTLC (Kelly)]

Thanks Jeff.

That's what I was hoping to hear..That there are men out there seeking the same things that my single friends and I are. I guess we need to get out more since most of the men we keep coming across are not so much full of integrity, honesty, morals,etc. It's also nice to hear a man say that he respects a woman who is independent and takes pride in her appearance.

As far as the "bed-time" thing goes, I usually ask upfront what it is they are looking for and am pretty open with my intents, as well. I found guys have a little more respect when they can just be open about it from the start.

I was a little worried about the whole not meeting my kids thing. So far, I haven't had any problems. There was one guy that was a little insulted when I said, "I don't let people know where I live or allow men in my house because I have four girls to protect." He didn't have kids, so maybe he just couldn't relate. Maybe I could have worded it better too.

Thanks again. :)

[Don S.]

Aside from pretty much everything the other guys have written here, I am not looking for anything. I'm trying to figure myself out and hoping that by doing that and not compromising my sense of self I will attract the woman that I don't expect. See the way I see it, my BEST thinking got me the woman who caused me the most pain. The best relationship I've ever been in was with a woman I never thought I would have attracted, or ever been attracted too. So by looking out for nobody, I'm looking out for myself.

As far as meeting kids... I don't know how that works. I may meet someone when I have my kids with me, that may be part of the attraction, how she interacts with them, might be a turn off. And vise versa, I may meet her kids, there are a couple of women I would date who's kids I've met. I don't think that there are hard and fast rules there. I really, very strongly, believe that dating people you meet online is a bad idea, period. The net is a good place to share ideas, tell stories, get, give, and ask for advice. But I have had nothing but bad experiances with dating people I met online.
Just my 2 cents.

Your Milage May Very.

-Don

[Dana C]

"my BEST thinking got me the woman who caused me the most pain."

EXACTLY. I'm right there with you, Don. I found the most well-adjusted, "normal," marry-able man, and we see where that got me. My dating algorithm -- out the window. The less I plan my life, the better it goes. The more I focus on improving myself and not finding someone to be with, the happier I am.

Would love to hear more about your philosophy on online dating sites. I've had some good, some bad experiences, but nothing that ever turned into a keeper so far. When you have some time to kill, I'd be curious to hear exactly why you nix the idea completely. I'm thinking maybe it's just that dating sites go against the "don't shop; figure yourself out first" creed, but if there's more to it, I'll be hanging on your every word. :-)

[WaterWorld]

It’s funny I’ve gone through so many permutations of what I’m looking for in a woman. At first, my knee jerk reaction finding myself in a divorce and turning 40 was OMG, I’ve got to get a mom for my kid and I don’t want to be alone while eating my old people food. What the hell was I thinking? I quickly realized that my kid still has a good co-parenting mom, I enjoy the freedom and responsibility of being a single parent, and I’m not quite ready to put myself out to pasture and in the retirement home; plenty of years of living ahead;)

I guess now what I’m looking for in a date worthy relationship is someone who doesn’t define me, and I don’t define her. We are individuals and bring our own strengths and limitations to the table. Intimacy is a good thing; finding someone to laugh with, have similar values in raising kids, good sex, feeling the chemistry of trust, honesty, communication, humor, and independence is really where I find myself these days and what I look for in a date. The reality for me is it’s so hard to find the time to juggle parenting, job, housework, maintaining friendships, and throwing dating on the top but that’s a different subject all together. Totally get not wanting to bring your kids in to your dating world. I don’t feel insulted by it and feel the same way. Good luck and have fun!