Women on web cam shot by husband

[WhisperingWinds]

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/10/09/gun.soccer.mom.dead/index.html
women chatting with another man was shot while on a webcam.


I saw this yesterday out of Pittsburgh. Ihad began a blog there about mass killings after a recent incident there.


I put this here because my ex to be was chatting to other women and yet he had begun to put key logger software on my computer to see if I was doing what he was. This shooting brings up the question when is it ok to have friends of the opposite sex and what is ok and what is not?

[Janer]

this always makes me think of what Dr. Phil would say..."if it upsets your partner, it's not ok". what upsets each person is different, but if you respect your partner's feelings, you will consider those feelings whenever you engage with the opposite sex, even if YOU think it SHOULDN"T upset them...it doesn't matter. unless of course you don't give a crap about them...then hey...do what you will i guess.

[WhisperingWinds]

Good thoughts janer.

[Luis]

I can't fully agree with you this time Janer , If it's Just a friend of the opposite sex and there is no friends with benifits type situation going on then why shouldin't you be able to have friends.. Whispering winds if your stop having friends of the opposite sex because it upsets your significant other than where will it end?? what's next , maybe he'll get upset if you leave the house in a skirt thats too short for him ..etc.. I think a some communication about insecurties is in order first... because sometimes you start giving up things that make you happy, for your boyfriend/girlfriend just for the sake of not arguing and you start resenting them for it .. Just my two cents...

[WhisperingWinds]

luis i had been single for a while and my male friends have been around since before i split with my ex. the began as coworkers and my first husbands friends. they not me kept in contact. one was a good role model for my son. well my husband not me agreed to no friends and yet he not me kept seeing othr people and chatting. his friends and ex lived in cnd nearby. he made me meet two of his ex gf! yet a male friend, never had a relationship other than friends he blew a huge gasket over. took the computer away. put the keytracker software on. A nut.

he would not let me see the phone bill or touch his cell phone either. i found he was takling to other wome and yet a friend who was back in the nearly 3000 miles away he accused me of being intitmate with lol.

crazy.

ugh another day another fun day, on the phones. today with the state dept and our lt governoernos office. now they tell me i may not need husbans sig. now yea!!!

[Richie]

I see the middle ground here. I believe that one should consider their partner's feelings yet there has to be a line somewhere. I am sure that we all deal with the opposite sex on a daily basis. Whether it be co-workers, friends, or the checkout person at the store. Some are more jealous than others. So ones persons partner may be so jealous of co-workers of the opposite sex that they don't want the other to work even though it's just a work relationship. That's uncalled for. Definitely consider your partners feelings before engaging with the opposite sex but know what is overboard. Don't cross any lines that you would not want your partner to cross. And don't put yourself in a unhealthy relationship. When the partner starts to get jealous because you were courteous to the woman\man giving you your double cheeseburger though the drive though window, start to rethink the situation.

Yes, it's ok to have friends of the opposite sex as long as its not or has not been a benefits type of relationship. As far as whats ok and whats not, use common sense and consideration.

[WhisperingWinds]

richie my real op on this is that it is one thing if you are married and commited to give it all up imo you should be happy with your family but if you seek solace from that opp sex mater you are saying you do not want or need your spouse. you will have these contacts at work but it is how close you allow them to be or not that can be the issue.

if i had to go to a dinner ina group setting with other men for a cowoker fine, but one on one i would not feel comfortable if i was married or committed. but not and just dating. i see no issue.

[WhisperingWinds]

luis, i should add in the end the friend is still there and the husband is not.

[Richie]

That is where common sense and consideration comes into play.

[Janer]

you said it better than i did, richie. I have lots of male friends and i'm always up front and honest with my boyfriends about those friends. I wouldn't ever give up my male friends for a guy. But my BEHAVIOUR with those friends might have to be altered a bit if a guy found something offensive or hurtful. that might be up for discussion. but no, i wouldn't tolerate unfounded or extreme jealousy.

[uomeasmile (Kim)]

After reading the story, I am more concerned why these two had loaded guns. I am all for gun rights, but after already being in trouble, and then having one in her purse (loaded) with three kids in the house? And he killed his wife and himself in front of the kids. Clearly, he was not a stable person.

In my marriage, I had friends of the male sex. Some were ex-boyfriends, and some were just friends. I never hid anything from my ex... he had all my passwords, and I would always ask him if he minded when I was having lunch mono e mono with a guy. And as others have mentioned, my friends are still here, even after my husband is not. Having a good support network is important when you are a single parent... and to me that includes friends of both genders.

[Todd]

The woman had a concealed carry permit because she was afraid of her husband. Theres a lot more to this story than was in the link. If she was going to have a loaded gun in the house it should have been on her person, where nobody else could get it. Every law abiding American has a right to own guns under the 2nd amendment. You cant just give people personality tests before owning a gun, having a child or owning a pet. Obviously the thought of divorce and breaking up can make normal well balanced people do stupid things. Because she was talking with a male friend on the internet and there was a history, had he not killed himself Id bet any attorney would have gotten him off because it was a crime of passion. Jurys are crazy, OJ Simpson, Andrea Yates .... I could go on and on

[Richie]

I agree, the loaded gun should have been on her person so that she and she only had access to it. I also agree that every law abiding citizen should have some type of firearm in the home, be familiar with the firearm, and have it kept away from children, yet teach the children about firearm safety. You never know when some is going to kick in the door and want to have their way with your stuff. Firearms should be used for protection and to put food in your belly not to carry out acts of rage. Be safe and responsible.