The New Step-"MOTHER"

[Pamelalynne]

I need some advice from single moms to another, or even a fathers point of view.

My ex and I were together for 6 1/2 years. My ex and I broke up when nathan, my son was two years old. My ex joined the army and has been in the military for 2 years. For those 2 years he has not seen his son. For a year he was in Afghan. His new wife is my EX-BESTFRIEND. While he was in afghan. He called twice, and sent two cards in the same day, mailed on the same day. He has not made an effort on being a father to my son. My dad has step up to the plate and became a father to nathan. They have a bond like no other. He (my ex) is coming down for christmas and wants to see nathan. I completely understand and that he has a right to see his son. I am giving him that right, even though he has not been there.
HOWEVER...his wife, who was my best friend, wants to meet my son. She has been writing things on her facebook that she cannot wait to meet "HER SON." meaning, my son! I understand that she is my ex's new wife and everything like that, but I do not want my son to meet her. I know how she is. She wants a child so bad that she is now calling my son "HERS". I think we need to take baby-steps with his dad first! (Meaning the father needs to be introduced to nathan and they need to create a bond before the wife comes in.)

What do you all think I should do? What should I tell his new wife?

[WhisperingWinds]

Eventually they will meet but that is a bit wierd. Considering he has not made much attemt to see him.

[Janer]

i rarely agree when women complain about men's new girlfriends being involved with their kids...but in this case i agree. If he's just "passing through" and has no bond with the child, he needs to do that first before bringing other people into it. This is between him and his son, not him and everyone else and the child.

[Richie]

I think dad needs to make some effort to get to know his son before he tries to invite his new gf/wife into the picture. He may have been in Afghan for a year but that is a lame excuse. Maybe a few meet ups at the park or Chucky Cheese to see if a bond is there. If he forms a bond with dad and dad is consistent, there is no way to keep him from the new wife. Just like he would not be able to keep you from having your son around you new bf/husband. There should be some ground rules laid though and everyone should work together to find some middle ground. I know it will be hard but it would be best for the little man.

[Ofelia]

Ughhh I'd hate to be in your shoes right now. Must be tough, I really don’t know what I would do but it is going to be hard to keep her away while they establish a father and son relationship. She is the wife and unfortunately she is going to be a part in your son's life, IF he (your ex) decides to be a dad now. I'm sure it also bothers you that she refers to YOUR kid as hers....she's crazy! to be honest with you and I know this might sound bad but that would probably bother me even more than the fact that all of a sudden he wants to see him after being away for so long. That’s just something you're going to have to deal with I guess. Unless you don't think your son is safe around her. I see you mentioned that "You know her"....if this is the case then definitely don't let it happen. But if she's harmless, then look at it this way...more people to love your baby. He's a lucky kid! and remember...you're your son's favorite lol...mine says that to me all the time haha...good luck!

[Travis]

This actually feels more like the doing of his new wife. He may not be that interested and she is pushing him along. It will be clear once you see the two of them together with nathan.

The relationship with his dad, may grow only due to his new wife. And as long as she maintains a step-son length's away then should be fine. She will create a trainwreck of a problem if she tries to portray herself as his mom.