So theres this guy....

[Stephanie]

Ok, so I've been back at Match.com and I'm now dating this awesome guy. Only, he's a little clingy. We have been on three dates and he's already questioning me about guys and he made a comment that I took a long time to respond to his text. Then, when I saw him, he mentioned it again. I told him that I own a business and I don't always have time to talk on the phone and text. He didn't seem satisfied with that answer by the expression on his face. Idk, I'm not sure if he's smothering me because hes really into me or if I'm just not used to the attention because it's been a while or if he is weird and theses are red flags??
Everything else about him is great. He's a total hottie and I'm very attracted to him, I love being near him. I get butterflies :) He's a total gentleman and opens doors, insists on paying for everything, (I offered to pay), is affectionate, and totally vibin' :) So, should I overlook these minor little eyebrow raisers, or is this a window into a world of posseveness, jelousy, and control??

[Faith]

As many guys as there are out there the *say* they will call and then don't...or avoid the phone like the plague...or avoid communication altogether- I would say that it's kind of nice that he wants to stay in contact with you. Maybe he's a little insecure and just needs you to assure him that you are interested. Maybe you should set aside a little time to call him and talk to him about it, so it doesn't become an issue. If you bring it up, it will have more of an impact than just deflecting his *jealous* comments. He sounds awesome from the way you describe him- but don't ignore your gut instincts if he continues making an issue out of it.

[Wendee]

On one hand it may be flattering, but to me this would have Red Flag written all over it. I would be very careful with my feelings for him....
But, that's just me! He may be a great guy, and be perfect for you -- I'm very jaded about jealousy and control.
good luck girl! :)

[Honey]

Sounds to me like you've identified a significate issue early on, he sounds like a nice guy, but you also need to pay attention to the red flags, they are telling you something, don't ignore them, try to pay attention how he talks about ppl in his life. How does he describe his past girlfriends? Positive or negative? Was it all their fault? How does he deal with stress? A healthy person would be bothered how long it took you to text back, Remember, You have all the time in the world to get to know someone. Good Luck :)

[Jen]

I agree to go with your gut but (this is just my personality) call him on it! Say flat out, I am glad that we have this thing goin on right now but sometimes you aren't #1 on my list because of my kid, my business, my friend, my family, whatever. If he is cool with it and the behavior goes away, then it was just an insecurity and you established a boundary. But if he is starts to get worse or he is offended/pissed off then your red flag was correct. I know there are a lot of people who have been in controlling abusive relationships and this is a big thing but sometimes it's just about communicating how you feel and what you need for the behavior to go away.

[Sandi]

I don't want to sound negative, but I would definitely say this is a big RED flag! I am sure it is flattering, but it does sound like he is very insecure. And, from my experience (which I have a lot in this area! Ha!), insecurity breeds control. But, like Wendee, I may be a little jaded when it comes to controlling men!

[Stephanie]

Wow, thanks for all of the great responses. Well, I invited him out with me and my friends for Phat Tuesday. I will see how well he interacts with them and if he is still being insecure.

[Hef]

Another red flag vote.

When my ex and I got together, he would do this sort of thing. I thought it was adorable and was flattered that he "cared." It ended up getting much worse as time went on.

Only now, on the other end of a very turbulent/controlling/abusive/highly toxic four year relationship (that resulted in my darling daughter), am I able to really see how turbulent/controlling/abusive/highly toxic it was ALL ALONG.

We currently have a restraining order on the ex because of this behavior (on a much larger scale, of course).

If this sort of thing seems like a habit with this guy, I'd pull the E brake asap.

[Jesi Uribe]

exact same thing happened to me. so i second this whole reply. i'd be very careful if he's already showing signs of being controlling and possesive. good luck tho :)

[Ms. Single Mama]

Not good.... don't over look them at all. Especially if it's making you feel uncomfortable. Your gut is telling you something. Jealousy just gets worse and worse the longer you're together.

[UberDad]

Big red flag for many different reasons that have already been mentioned. It could just be a self esteem issue for him but that's still a red flag. Best bet is to sit him down have a conversation about jealousy and your intentions with each other. Since you like him you can try to work through something like this and find different ways to express attraction for each other rather than questioning each other on where you've been. Don't subvert your standards just because he's a hottie on the outside, it's what's inside that really matters. Good luck!

[argonaut (Scott)]

I vote red flag. My ex was very jealous type, I chalked it up to her getting cheated on by her first husband. But, she never stopped. I think this having to know wjere you are at all the time is a sign of a controlling personality. I would get grilled because she would call my work number and I didn't answer the phone. She didn't quite seem to understand that I had meetings and sometimes was just going to the bathroom!

[Stephanie]

Thanks for all your input :) He actually hasent said anything else strange or questioned me again after that. Maybe he was a little insecure and now he feels like I'm someone he can trust. Idk. I'm still keeping my eyes and ears open. We have a date tomorrow night and Wednesday night. I've been praying that he's not a psycho cause he's soooo sexy :)