Painful Memories, Confronting the past

[Todd J. Miska]

Well folks if life couldnt get any harder. Ok so here is the short. My girl left me and my kids back in February. We were together for 8 years 5 of which she helped me raise my 2 boys. Friday I get a call from my sister telling me that I need to clear out the storage space we had. So I began today and it brought back all the memories of what was and what will never be again. I am in so much pain. Halloween, Christmas sporting goods you name it. I also came across a ton of pictures. Folks Todd is not doing well. I am sick and trembling wondering what happend to our life together. I know what role I played in its weakening I believe she has not come clear with some occurrences on her part. I mean she was the one. I cannot picture my self with anyone else. My kids miss her. This summer is going to be rough. ANY ADVICE PRAYER ANYTHING PLEASE..............................

[Don S.]

Do nothing. Don't call her, don't email her, don't ride your bike past her parents house after school. Women thrive after breakups, they freaking throw parties and go on sex binges. Men suffer, and mope. We choose to suffer though, nobody makes us do it (well maybe we're wired to do it?) Anyhow, is sucks, it feels bad, but it goes away eventually. Doing stuff like looking through old pictures or asking her friends if she's seeing anybody is just self torture. Stop it, move on, take a class, join a book club or one of those big non-denominational mega-churches with a coffee shop in the foyer, and a praise-band, chicks love those places for some reason. Gyms suck for meeting dates (women don't want you to talk to them when they'er sweaty) but they are good for building back self esteem.

It's just my opinion but a storage space is just a dumpster in waiting. If you really needed it, it wouldn't be in storage. Pay someone to haul that shit away, better yet sell the whole bin to somebody. There are people who buy them, just ask the owner of the storage space. They have a list of them, they sell the bins when people don't pay their bills.

I've left and I've been left. Being left is WAAAAY worse... it just sucks... But nobody is gonna cook you and eat you though are they???

[Todd J. Miska]

Thanks for the pep talk. Funny I am In a Church with a cafe and a huge praise band in fact me and my kids are always approched after service with praises for praising but I dont feel the urge when I am there. I appreciat you taking time to reply. GOD bless you Bro.

[Don S.]

You're welcome. I'm not trying to minimise your pain Todd, it's just that when a person acts that way toward us there isn't very much that we can do about it. We find eventually that we are better off without them, and if we get honest we start to work on ourselves and get real with the part that we played in the breakup. That's where the real pain is (in my experiance). Having to look into the abyss of my own stuff and having that abyss look back at me.

Happy 4th!

[uomeasmile (Kim)]

Don, you know I love you to pieces... BUT... I don't thrive after breakups or go on sex binges. Eewww. I would prefer to say... take a sewing class. Just my two cents.

[Angel Christine]

My prayers are definitely with you. I'm going through much the same thing myself, but my wound is very new (June 4th) and we weren't together for as long as the two of you were. Yes, every day is a struggle just to get out of bed, and I have no idea how I am getting through every day. But, I do know that I will be okay, eventually. It will take time. And you will be okay, too. Hold and love those boys and make them your focus. I'm sorry that this happened. Matters of the heart are the worse possible pain to go through.
Hugs and prayers!
Angel

[Todd J. Miska]

Thank you Angel. I am sorry for your pain and sorrow too. I absolutley hate this. I find myself asking why her?, but I already know the answer. Why do we have to hurt why is it s oeasy for people to leave in todays world? The bad thing is it was happening right before my blinded eyes. I was way involved with pleasing my self. I guess the phrase "you made your bed" applies. You will be in my thoughts and prayers too oh and a big fat bear hug too....TJM

[Frechic]

I am going through the same thing so I have no advice. Only hugs and prayers... It's crazy how a person can destroy a family and not think twice about it.

[Angel Christine]

Absolutely! There are WAY too many home-wreckers in our society.

[Todd J. Miska]

Hi and thanks. H and P back atcha and I am also sticking my tounge out too. I dont know why the world is driven by acts like these. I know it used to be after 8 years it was it ya know? But honestly I believe my actiong regarding the situation may have made it easier for her to go. It does take 2 and she was hiding something perhaps a streak of infidelity. I know I would never do that to anyone I loved no matter how troubled the relationship was. Be well..TJM

[Lee]

Todd J.
I have no advice.But I agree it is hard to go throw past things and memories.I give my prayers.It has been 7 years since my D-day.I whent throw anger,resentment,rejection and a flood of emotions.Sometimes all at the sametime! It hearts alot. One thing that helped me was the Serenity prayer. My family has a history of alcoholics.So I herd it alot. GOD GRANT ME THE SERANITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE;COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN;AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
Lee

[uomeasmile (Kim)]

Just keep hanging on. That is my best advice. God got you this far... he won't leave you now. Wrap yourself in faith.

[Janer]

from the other side...ther dumper, not the dumpee...when i left my ex i'm sure he felt as you do ...How could i be so cruel as to abandon him and his family? Unfortunately, he didn't make much effort to convince me to stay until after i left. Until then, i had asked for simple things that would have kept me around (by simple i mean "can you please get your cat fixed so your house doesn't smell like urine?" or "could you take your share of responsibility for our child?"). But when i left it was "how could you do such a horrible thing?".

And yet...i didn't "thrive after the breakup" or "go out and throw sex parties"...i cried, i felt guilty, i wondered if i had done everything i could. I even agreed to go to counselling with him...(where he continued to say he never did a damn thing wrong and it was all my fault). and even THEN i mourned the loss for at least 6 months! I still look at him sometimes and wonder how we went from there (the love) to here (the anger and BS).


But i congratulate you on one thing..."I know what role I played in its weakening "...that is the best thing you can do. it may not save this relationship, but it will keep those same issues from affecting a future relationship. At least you aren't laying all the blame on someone else. when that happens, you can never improve yourself.