guilt of the working/student single parent

[Janer]

maybe you folks who have been at this longer than me can tell me how to cope with the guilt.
My daughter's been sick A LOT this past month, and i have skipped classes to be there for her, but i'm heading into midterm time and she's still sick (now with fever and slight pneumonia and an ear infection) and i feel TOTALLY HORRIBLE that i'm studying instead of cuddling her. She went with my mom for a few hours this morning, then with her dad this afternoon, and she's going with him for his weekend this weekend. I'm trying to trust that he will give her the love she needs, but i know he will probably go to work and his mom will be with her (god forbid HE miss ANY time). ok...so now i'm trying to trust that his MOM will give her the love she needs...but all i keep thinking is she should be with her mommy! But i have an exam tomorrow and another one next week and an assignment due in between, and papers to write! i can't do it all AND be the only one caring for her when she's sick.

If anyone has any advice or words of wisdom, please pass them my way. She is my priority but dropping out of school in 4th year isn't really a smart option here.

[Delaine Moore]

Oh Jane, I feel for you. Talk about stressful and guilt harboring. I pray that by tomorrow your daughter's symtoms will have alleviated some what as they sound rather serious. At the same time hun, you need to focus on your studies - you CAN'T drop out, you MUST focus! You're doing this for both you AND your daughter's future.

It is my hope that your ex and his mom will be kind and gracious enough to keep you abridge of her condition a few times a day. Are you at liberty to call? I know that when a child is sick, every motherly cell in our bodies wants to hold and nurse them back to health. But my fingers are crossed that other people who love her (in their different ways) are going to rise up and give her the extra care she needs right now.

I'll pray for your daughter's swift recovery!

[Jen]

Something that kept me going through school after I had my son (in the middle of the program!) was that he will not remember this! I was done with my masters when Ethan had just turned 3 and he has no recollection of Mommy being in school. Granted, I missed big things, like his first steps, because I was in class, but now I have a degree and a career and can provide stability when he needs it most. Talk to the advisors on campus - maybe there is some assistance such as FMLA when you are working so that you can take time to care for your child without endangering your financial aid (if that is your situation). My experience when I have a problem in general is to talk to the people in charge about your situation and ask for some type of help, assistance, or accomodation. Worst case scenario is that they say No and then nothing has changed. Good luck.

[Janer]

Delaine, i was actually relieved when her dad brought her back to me tonight and she was in good spirits and playful. She's doing really well considering her situation (she's sleeping better than i am!). it was good for me to see that.

And Jen, you're right. one of the reasons i had her when i did (also right in the middle of my program) was so that it would be over and done with early on (although, there may be more school in my future...but one program at a time). As for accomodations, i'm sure i could postpone the exam tomorrow, but then i will just have to pile it on with the next exam next week...or the papers that i have to write...so sometimes it's better to just bite the bullet.

[Susan]

You have already done all of the right things. You are giving the other people in your daughter's life the chance to show their love for her (even if it is different from how you do it), you are improving yourself academically to increase your job options and quality of life. Now, it's time to toss the guilt, you're doing what needs to be done.

[WhisperingWinds]

at least she is with family there were time my kids were in day care when they were little but daycares re strict about being sick. back then so were employers about parents missing work. thank god for FMLA time but they tell me it often does not apply to colleges here whne you need a leave of absence. i hope she gets better. did she get swine flu? that often comes with the pneumonia. i remember doing that when the kids were little. i worked full time and took 9 college credits. had one baby then another 3 yrs later. i feel your pain

[WhisperingWinds]

This is what i kept in mind the years I worked and went to school. That enjoy what time I can with thebabies now, they will not remember me not being there as much when they are younger but will when they are old and in school. Get the schooling done now, you will have more time and money for your child as they hit school age. I used to call it the temp killing time. Try no to do overdo. We all know we get into supermom syndrome. Even if you take just twenty minutes to yourself to catch your breath you can do this, you must do for your child to have a better life. Being poor is no fun.

You can do it!! I applaud all of you mom's and dad's trying to work and go to school. Having done with a spouse and help I know it was hard but it will be so worht it. It shows your kids the education is important and they in turn will mostly likely go on to have a better life. That is all we want for our kids, right?

In turn if you earn more to you can give back to the community or someone else in need. That is what drives me a lot of the time. Give and take of life.

[Wolf_Affinity77]

I completely understand what you are feeling! It so hard to split your time but other's have said it, she's being loved by others which is good for her even if she is sick. At least you have family to help even if you don't necessarily agree with them. My first semester back at Uni I had a "volunteer mum" type person & my daughter seemed to hate going with her & would cry & cry, I felt SO BAD. I haven't wanted to miss out on her younger years so I can have the best bond possible but I had to be realistic too so I only take 1 class a semester to get me towards my goal & be almost ready to work by time she starts school but not miss out on too much at the same time. As long as you give her quality time regularly you both should be fine! :)