Child Support ( Yes - No - Maybe ? )

[Steve]

I have been seeing an occasional reply to various discussions where someone will bring up child support. I have had 24/7 custody of my precious little girl for almost 4 years now. Just within the last couple of years she has been seeing her mom every other weekend. In the beginning ( first couple years ) I struggled with insurance, day care ( talk about expensive as I'm sure many of you know ), food and all my bills. But I did it and did it on my own. No child support.

This was a choice for me and at the time I didn't realize how tough it would be. When we were in court and I was awarded full custody I at that time told the judge that I wanted no child support ( partly because at that time I wanted no ties at all, and secondly because I fought for custody it wasn't forced on me ). Since then and now that I've gotten through to the other side I realize what a blessing it has been to know that I am fully capable and responsible for everything in my daughters life. Her mom will occasionally buy her some clothes or give her a little money but my daughter knows and appreciates the wonderfull home that we have created. If only her mom realized what she was missing out on. If she was to offer I really could use the money but she doesn't and thats ok.

I am so glad that when I decided to take this responsibility on, that I decided to not expect anything from her mom. Today the struggle was worth it.

So what are your oppinions: Force them to pay, Ask them, or Take responsibility for our choices.

Remember these are just oppinions and personal preferences, and some are blessed that the other parent insists on helping to support thier little one.

[Angel Christine]

My father raised my brother and I without any child support from my mother what-so-ever. He made it happen and he is a hero to me because of that. He made SO many sacrifices, but we never did without what we REALLY needed. I TRULY adore fathers who step up as you, Steve and my father did. As far as child support, I do feel that when you have a child (mother or father) it is your responsibility to financially contribute to the raising of that child (whether you are involved in their life or not). My mother was a horrible mother and I love her but do not respect her at all. I am now 32 years old and she STILL owes a LOT of back child support. My dad doesn't even fight for it at all (doesn't show up to court hearings or anything), but the Texas Attorney General's Office is still after her for it. And she will call me and complain. I tell her, "well, you owe it" and then I change the subject or end the call.

[Angel Christine]

I guess I didn't answer the question either: if a parent doesn't have custody and refuses to pay, yes I believe that they should be forced. "It's takes two to tango or something like that......" (said in the voice of "Billy" from "Billy Madison") LOL

Warning: Conception (babies, children, rug-rats) is a common side-effect of intercourse (sex).

[Erich]

My Story-

My custody agreement reads 50/50. 50/50 on everything. My son is to spend 14 days and 14 nights with each parent every month. We are to split daycare costs and major expenses. I do pay for health care through my employer and who ever takes him to the doc pays the copay. It is really a beautiful agreement. Child support is reserved. That is the wording of the agreement. When we went to court to finalize the agreement the judge asked my son's mom if she needed child support. She didn't even know a thing about us or who made more. She just wanted to give her money. Love judges. Lucky for me, she said she didn't.

Even though our agreement reads 50/50 she only sees her son two days/nights a week. I have him 5 days. Sometimes she takes him late the night before so she gets the whole first day. Even though I spend soo much more time with my son I do not want to go back to court and ask for child support. I don't want it and don't need it. Perhaps years down the road my life will change and she will be the primary caretaker (hope not!) and making lots more money. For now, I get by (barely).

I guess you could say that I do receive support since she pays half of the daycare. She hates to pay it since she only drops him off there once a week. I use the daycare a lot more, but she doesn't seem to care.

[Erich]

I guess I didn't really answer your question -

I think that the courts should evaluate the cases a bit better. Not every parent needs to pay. Forcing someone to pay child support who really shouldn't be will force bitterness and resentment for the child. That is creating a very unhealthy relationship.

I do think that if the court finds that a parent needs to pay that the court should enforce it. I am not familiar with the way this happens now, so I can't comment on that. If the parent is paying, then they need to be getting something in return. They need to have visitation rights if they want them and are capable parents.

It is so hard to write on this topic since every parent and family is different.

I can't comment too much on the court system. My agreement was written before court with the help of a mediator. What a blessing!

[Angel Christine]

It would be wrong of a parent to be bitter or resentful to a child because they are forced to pay child support. Those are grown-up and parent issues, not a child's. I keep ALL financial/grown-up actions and discussions away from my kid. It's not fair for her to have that worry. She's a blessing, not a burden. Just my two cents.

[Erich]

I agree with you that it would be wrong for a parent to resent a child, but it does happen. It could also force the relationship between the parents to worsen as well.

I also keep any discussion that is adult in nature away from my sons ears. He doesn't need to know what is going on.

[Rebekah]

Agreed, WHOLEHEARTEDLY - unfortunately this is not the norm. KUDOS to you both for protecting yours from the adult issues!

[Ofelia]

I took my son's dad to court for child support. He's not involved in my son's life and he owes a lot on child support. When he was around for birthdays or Christmas, he always showed up empty handed, not even a card. I stopped asking and decided to do everything on my own. I've been trying to stay strong but as my son grows he needs more and more things that sometimes I cant give him. The economy now has affected me. It's getting harder but I wont call his dad, out of pride mostly but also because I know it'd be pointless..

Yesterday I couldn't take it anymore, I was sitting at my mother's kitchen table, realizing it was already the end of the month and his birthday was in about 2 weeks and Christmas was a week after that....and I just let it all out and cried for the first time in ages. I always try to hide my feelings so neither my son or anyone in my fam would worry...but I felt a lot better afterwards.

My mother walked in and she really looked shocked. I guess I fooled everyone to think I had everything under control huh...then my son saw me, he just looked at me, hugged me and told me he loved me...nothing else. I really didn’t want him to see me like that. He thinks I'm wonder woman and wonder woman doesn’t cry right?

So anyway, I do wish this guy would help me, but he doesn’t. There's nothing I can do about it and I've realized there's nothing the court would do about it so that is that. I know the time will come when I will be fortunate enough to say I don't need anything from him but I hate to say that now that’s not the case. I think what depresses me even more is that I do "need" him in a way. I HATE that.

I'm working my way into becoming completely independent. Your daughter must be so proud of you. You sound like a great dad!!!

[Rebekah]

You're already there sister! You sound like you ARE Wonder Woman! What a lucky little guy to have such a strong mommy!!!!

[Jennifer B]

My heart goes out to you. It's hard to do it on your own. I understand hating to need him! It sucks! most don't plan to do it alone. He should help. I am sorry he is an ass!

[Ofelia]

Thank you guys....it was just one of those days I guess. Today is a good one I'm happy to say. I woke up feeling like Wonder Woman lol......

It sucks we all have to struggle so much but then again...our little ones make it all worth it

[Gabi]

I honestly believe that both parents should be held responsible for their child. My ex pays child support and while I could afford to take care of our kids on my own (and have when necessary)because I don;t live to an excess, it is nice to have the extra coming in to help "teenager things". And don't tell my ex but his CS will probably be the bulk of $$ used for his daughters car when she starts driving. Our daughter basically wants nothing to do with her dad so I have her 7 days a week and our son adores his dad but only sees him once a month or so (his dad moved out of state). Our son is a special needs child and requires 24/7 supervision along with multiple doctor appts and medication. My ex does NOT help out with any of that other then CS. I supply insurance and pay all co-pays, buy all clothes (other then the occasional gift from him), pay all school costs, etc. the only thing he has been required to supply is a small monthly sum (which he doesn't always pay but whatever).

If for some reason I didn't have custody of our kids....I would expect to pay CS. I don't think people should be allowed to have kids and NOT contribute toward their upbringing financially. I was married for about 14 years and could have tried for a lot more. I didn't want anything from him...I even gave him the house. I just wanted the kids physical custody of the kids and CS at least until I got out of school.

Gabi