How Did You Become a Single Parent?

[Clare]

We all get there in different ways - but sometimes the stories are eerily similar. Just curious, how did you become a single parent?

Please share the story of how/why you're a single parent. Introduce yourself, let's get to know each other.

[Kim G]

I met a guy, "Bob" for all privacy purposes. Who was a wonderful boyfriend and person. He treated me so well for the first 6 months we dated. Then things changed after then. I became focused on school. He became jealous. He and I drifted. We reconnected 6 months later and dated another 6 months, little did I know I was in his cycles of depressions and other mood disorders. Same things. we drifted until again 4 months later we reconnected. I found out about my daughter and he again went into a cycle. I realized the cycles at this point and broke it. I then discoved he had been leading a double life. He was engaged to a girlfriend of 5 years. He was soon to be married, Bob then turned into a vicious person. He was no longer the nice person I had meet 18 months prior. I deciced there was no way I could let my daughter be raised in such a broken life and unstable enviroment he provided. I changed all my contact information. I cut off all communication. And since then I have not heard from him. Nothing. My daughter was born 8 months ago and is the light of my life, she is the best thing that ever happened to me! Without her I would not have found my strength, love, and ambitions.

[Leilani]

Hi everyone! Brand new to the site so here's my story...

I met a guy in HS and we were together for 4 toxic years when I found out I was pregnant. We moved in together for 3 months and a week before my son was born he decided to bolt and move out. I went to live with my parents and he with his friends.

For the first year of our son's life he was sorta in the picture (technically we were still together). Started out seeing each other several times a week when he wasn't working. Later he'd come by every now and then, but mostly the only contact we had was when I had to drive out to see him. Later still in the year he lost his job and would barely call, sometimes weeks would pass since i last hear from him.

Then this last February he calls me and tells me that he's seeing someone else and he loves her and that he's finally happy and he doesn't care about me anymore or see me, that he only wants to see "his son" (he never says 'our son' it's always 'his' which is so irritating)

Since that day he calls maybe once a week and the only time we've see each other was once in June. The way he sees it is that I've been keeping our son away from him and that I've refused to let him see him because I'm still mad he left me, but thats not true. He's become an alcoholic, and a drug addict, and i just down right don't trust him or feel safe around him. I've gotten numerous drunk/high calls in the middle of the night where he says he's going to hurt me and my son and that i'd better not ever get with anyone else or i'll be sorry. Then the next day he tells me he doesn't remember calling me. There are also days where he's telling me he loves me and that he's sorry and wants to make things right. (WHAT!?!?!) He's just so different now, hes become so violent and obsessed and I would not trust him around me or our son for anything. I'm seriously looking into hiring a lawyer to gain full custody and even a restraining order.

I hope that wasn't TMI but thats basically my story. On a lighter note... I'm a stronger woman and happier than I've ever been in my entire life now that I'm a single mom! My darling son will be 2 in January and he's the best thing to happen to me! I'm also only months away from completing my certificate program to become a medical biller/coder so I can have a good career to provide a life for my son and I. I hope that there is someone else out there who can relate to what i've been dealing with and I'm really looking for a connection since being a single mom can be isolating sometimes!

[Reni Valentine]

i'm Reni. i live in PA with my son and two cats. i've been a single parent since conception.

the father and i were dating and had been discussing marriage. to be honest, my pregnancy was an "oops" fueled by the awe-inspiring powers of too much to drink. when i told my partner, he was excited but we agreed that it would be best for all involved if we ended our already-ailing relationship. once we were no longer dating, we all but stopped speaking.

when i was approximately four months pregnant, i found out that my child would have a half-brother or half-sister due the day after my own child was due. that was the final straw for me.

since that point, there have been a few years of namecalling, finger-pointing, and visits to family court. my son has no contact with his father, excepting one visit four-and-a-half years ago.

[Jenny]

I have been a single mother for 6 years of a wonderful little boy. I became pregnant at the age of 23 when I was in college. When I approached the father he offered me money to get an abortion. I was so offended and appalled (I was going to school for special education) that I stood up and told him: "I'm keeping it with or without you". I never looked back and I to this day have never seen the guy. I was so scared, but certain that God never makes mistakes when he makes babies and though I didn't know the in's and out's of parenting, I could learn like all do.. experience!! I had to quit school (it was a small college) as the father made it hard for me by spreading nasty things about me.. but here I am 6 years later and I look back and I know that I did the right thing though it wasn't easy. I now have a wonderful son and now that he is in school full time I decided to grow along side of him and start school again myself and we even went school shopping together!! He is proud of me and tells me that everyday! Though it can be lonely at times and I have made my fair share of mistakes, I would never take back this experience for the world!! I cannot take the credit, it is God who has seen me through the hard times, enjoyed the good times with me and has never left me through it all and I cannot help but be amazed at His wonderful ways with me and my son! If the journey's been this exciting, scary, uncertain and wonderful thus far, I can only help but be intrigued for the many days ahead.... and so from here on out, my story continues...

[Cliff]

Good for you Jenny! You made the best choice.

[Robin Greene Anderson]

Hi Jenny. I have to say that I understand how difficult it is to return to school. I am 35 and just got my degree in 2007. At the time, my husband was deployed, I ran a home daycare and was taking care of my (at the time) one year old daughter. You have made a wonderful choice! Keep your head up and no matter what, don't give up. Getting that degree will be a huge boost to your self confidence!

[Robin Greene Anderson]

I separated from my husband a year ago, but he is stationed in Germany and I was unable to leave until the end of August. My children and I (ages 4 and 16 months) moved to TN. I have no family and no friends in the area and I'm craving friendship right now. Why TN? A new life, new start, new place to live. My closest friend lives three hours away and I am interested in meeting people in the area. I would love to have friends to call, hang out with, play cards, swap babysitting, go out dancing, what have you. I miss having friends nearby. I miss the friendship companionship. I am not looking to date or start a serious relationship...I just want friends.

The reason that I left my husband was his addiction to porn. After 9 years of marriage, I couldn't take it anymore. I was tired of feeling like I was competing with a computer. I was feeling neglected emotionally. Physically, I didn't know if my husband was thinking of me or what he saw on the computer. It was an easy choice to make and it was my choice. I didn't want to live in a loveless marriage and have my daughters think that is a "normal" relationship.

I am currently unemployed and actively looking for employment, but I could definitely use some friends in the area. My spirits get down and everyone needs a friend.

Well, I guess that is enough rambling for right now. I hope to make some long-lasting friendships here.

[Lee]

My husband was diagnosed with brain cancer when my daughter was 2 yrs old. At that time, we were married for 4 years. Things weren't great between us and we even talked about divorce several times. But once we heard the diagnosis, we put all our faults aside and concentrated on getting him better. Needless to say, he couldn't work for the next 3 yrs. I had to get a second job. I told myself that I didn't mind doing it all as long as there was love, respect and appreciation. But since I didn't get any of that, it became more difficult to hold on. We argued almost everyday and we lived in separate bedrooms for the last year of our marriage. His family didn't help much either. They were unbearable. In fact, they made things worse. Everyone kept telling me "It's your duty. He's your husband. You have to stick by his side." I did just that. But I believe that I should want to do good deeds. I shouldn't be forced to do them. I was dreading getting out of bed every morning. I became a bitter person and I decided finally to file for divorce as soon as he was better. Once the doctors said he was clear, I did it. My job was done there. It was a long and ugly divorce, but it was over. The cancer came back a year and a half later and killed him in 2006. It took me a long time to forgive him for everything (Forgive me but I can't put all the details on this site). But I finally did. I still have problems with the in-laws, but at least I have my daughter and she's now the center of my universe.

[Jenny]

wow! What an amazingly heartbreaking story you have to tell. My heart goes out to you. It seems that "duty" is a word that is thrown at us. You hung in there and took care of him, in spite of the struggles. I pray that the journey out of bitterness is a sweet release for you as you grow on to become more of an amazing woman and out of that flows the beautiful mother you are. You are in a way my hero. I think more and more these days we are finding that love is in fact a necessary ingredient when it comes to being in a relationship. I see my parents and their lives have been so loveless and it encourages me forward in my journey to not settle for anything less than a man that can love and respect and honor me as well, as I have so much love in me to give. I wish men would know (not all are like this) that a woman's emotional needs for love, support and even romance (yeah thats right! I said it..romance -- which can be so many things) is equivalent to a man's need for physical affection and honor as well and that to love a woman with all your heart is to indeed love yourself. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and that there was not a mending before his time to go, yet I am so proud of you for not settling for less than love. I do not blame you for your bitterness. In fact I understand it completely. My prayers are with you today Lee. I am a writer and I am doing a word study on "submission" in its original aramic form.. "a natural drawing out of one self and giving to another out of love" Natural, and love are the words that we in our english language and have taken this word and put it to this: "putting yourself beneath another out of control or duty".. that is NOT how it was meant. We have perverted love and marriage to fit our own selfish controls and desires and I too have decided since my last relationship to not settle for one that is not submitting to me as well. Submission is one of the most beautiful words, if used and understood at its original meaning. I wish he would of loved you the way you deserved, I wish I could see more of the great that was originally intended and I wish that for you. I too am throwing my love into my son and the things that are before us now and though it seems the world around us is settling for less than "love" I have determined to not do this. You are my hero and I am *crying* at your post. Blessings to you and your child! You are great!!