when to introduce the "lil ones"

[Sara Rook]

so i can say that i have been in several dating situations where my daughter is/was introduced to the opposite sex WAY too early!!!! she gets attached quickly and it breaks her heart when things dont turn out!!!!

has anyone else gone thru this??
how soon is toooooo soon?
how do you know when the right time is to have the "introduction???

just a few questions i had!!! thought i would ask you all!!

PEACE OUT PEEPS!!!!
hope your having a GREAT FRIDAY!!!!

[Sara Rook]

anyone? anyone?

[Traci]

anyways i haven't dated but i think my son would be more cautious with getting attached to guys but look curious at them especially since he doesn't have any frequent male role models.

What i fear is if the guy i date has kids especially boy(s) my lil guy gets real attached to kids 'big time'! So I would think he would think it's it's his fault because he's been developing some social issues at school in trying to get into friendship.

In the past he used to go up to kids in my playgroup go my name is brendan what is your name so after those kids didn't show up he developed a imaginary friend that has his name til he meets kids again!

Like right now he only talks to his school mate josh and is totally saying he is his best friend!

[Janet]

My son is 8 now and I think it would be ok as long as it was handled like any other friend might be introduced. My son has met and hung out with all of my friends, so if I did date, I could introduce them in that kind of setting-to see how the date might react. I would have a strict no public displays of affection because he doesn't need to see me man-handled by someone he doesn't know. My son is really sharp and he remembers everything, so I know I would have to be really careful in this kind of situation. He remembers people from years ago, so I do not want to do anything that would be too hard for him to process.
My son used to go to a daycare where the parents of this one little girl had just split. Almost immediately, both of them started showing up with their new someone to pick her up. The mom started sending the boyfriends (she kept them for about 2 weeks and would get a new one) to pick up the girl. I was there one night and the girl was just crying her eyes out because she didn't want to go with this guy her mom had sent to pick her up. It was so, so sad.
Be cautious and be careful. Little kids know way more than we give them credit for. These things leave impressions on our children.

[Sara Rook]

well thats just it i dont have many guy friends.... so when a male is around she askes several questions an immediatley gets attached... and like your son she is very smart and remembers!!!!! she still asks about my ex and when she can see him..... it breaks my heart to see her heart break, more than mine

[Candace]

I am really protective about this dating and introducing thing. My son has his father in his life and I just really feel like my son should not be involved in the picture at all until I know that there is something there with the guy. As in many dates have already happened. At that point I think it is ok for my son to be around the person for brief encounters but honestly until I know that there is a future there with someone I won't involve my son. There is no reason for him to be involved in my personal dating life unless it is going to go beyond dating.

Just my opinion.

[Traci]

Candace,

I totally agree with you that . Brief encounters because as the gals above say they remember things. Like brendan will be mentioning many things that i don't think he would remember but he will!

[Ron]

Good answer! I feel the exact same way.

[Leah]

This is something I think about a lot. Not that I'm in a relationship and have to worry about it :) but I'd like to think that I am going to start dating again soon.

My last rel was in the spring, my ds was 26 mo old, and he spent a lot of time with my ex bf. The weird thing is that he did not seem to get terribly attached to him -- maybe he figured out that he was not "the one" before I did, LOL. Anyway after we broke up he only asked about him once or twice and that was it.

But now he is almost 3 and I think I would be a little bit more cautious this time around. He is a "man's man" (adores all my friends' husbands) and I have a feeling he'd get really attached to any guy I hung out with on a regular basis.

Anyway, I wish I had a more helpful answer to your question... it does make it harder to date when dc's are not involved, but dating-wise, it's probably a good idea to have several dates without dc's to really get to know the person without being distracted by your kid, LOL.

[Sara Rook]

dc's?????

[Traci]

abbreviation dc's are dear children or ds is dear son just like dd would be dear daughter .

[Steve]

I have done a little dating but usually only on weekends when my daughter is at her mothers house. I am very careful not to combine my dating with my being a daddy. For now I am just content with my life the way it is. Someday if I ever make a connection that I think could turn into a life long thing, I like to believe that I would have sense enough to take the time to make sure it will be just that- before introducing and letting someone get close to my daughter. I try to keep her in mind in everything I do.

[Sara Rook]

i have my daughter 24/7 i dont have free days to date!!!! i always have to find sitters....and that is a hassle